Redeem the World

Redeem the world!?

Power, Sex and Money have moved the world forever. In my conscious life of however many years, this has been a fact. Love settles it, pacifies it – is the only other fact worth accentuating .

To witness life so closely and death closer still, I could be immensely grateful. But the witness is not all. My curiosities have been stoked. Mysteries have deepened. Greatly bemused to be able to distinguish between human & animal instincts. To distinguish between victors and victims and what not!

Oh dear, the world was about people always. Ecology, environment et al are matters of concern because they impact the life of people. And then, there are strata of people!

While trying to find my truth am discovering all that is a fallacy. There’s very little where the head concurs, and the heart resonates. Even the most pristine parts are sometimes ridden with contradictions.

The current pandemic and events – in their global, local and personal contexts, have presented various moods in this dance of Kali.

Right from the inception of ‘the virus’ to its endless mutations – the faces of the creators are not known. Government in US had been brought down in the first wave (the virus compounded with some lives matter). Similar pattern seems to be active here, with Farmers protest and every other protest, compounded with the second wave of virus. Where does a protest lead? Would a Headless State be better equipped? Who runs the world really?

Putting India in context – where a global pandemic has been reduced to a BJP/TMC/AAP/Election, Hindu/Muslim/Sikh/Kumbh, Vaccine/Oxygen hoarding/arrangement debate, by the ones not impacted. For the ones impacted – every breath is being bought, is being fought for. Even the strong-willed are succumbing to lack of air and dryness or do I say lack of love and apathy. They say wars are important to wake up a humanity in slumber. I sometimes wonder, was our slumber so deep that today we gasp to breath. How much could institutional failures be blamed for human apathy!

On a personal front – calls/messages from an affected friend, are heart-wrenching, specially when you know the enormity is so huge, that after a point, you can only pray and send your love to pacify.

My eyes could be faulty, but the heart also doesn’t agree, that the pain at this scale, isn’t manufactured.

Redeem the world maybe! Redeem me for sure..

Molten mettle

In making all the choice between activity and inactivity, lay the test of a free-will. A human life evolved on the physical, mental and emotional plane but consummated nowhere – is a burden for one and all. The emptiness does haunt when you just see and keep seeing, observe and just keep observing. This very emptiness takes one to the unknown depths and puts one across the most beautiful and ugly parts.

This world of principles and behaviors, impacts every atom of the unbroken existence. Paradox is that even though everything is ephemeral, everything has life. And life is eternal. To learn the principles is not enough. To be only a behavior is hollow. Every day to walk on a razor’s edge of collecting the nectar and not disturbing the flower, is definitely something only the wise can achieve or seemingly so.

One could wish to manifest a certain life and manifest it and then detest it. One could maybe not wish at all. Or maybe one could just flow, sometimes happy, sometimes longing, sometimes seething, sometimes soothing.

Take refuge my heart! Take refuge. The tenderness of the magnificent, keeps the guard. Intimate seems to be the only antidote to the intricate. May the intimate just be. Hold on gently..

That little bit

I sit here and invite you, moment after moment. I take a pen and fail for words to make their way. Every emotion & feeling that had been dancing at the periphery, in a philosophical realm, has gone deep inside & become meaningless!

With more or less a self-reliant heart, I would fight with the clouds of doubt at times which will try to overpower. Doubts would leave me sooner & cleaner mostly, but would not die. I was not sure if I wanted them to.

It’s late in the night & as if like a woman trying to give birth to a child, I keep moving my pen for something that is making all the effort to come out for a long time. What is it? Something that will pour out & consume me like I have never experienced before, but have wanted all my life, at least briefly.

It’s like familiarizing yourself with the music notes when a melody desperately seeks an expression. Where you feel you’re not the Generator or the Operator or the Destroyer – basically you’re not GOD, but you’re a channel that’s perhaps stuffed in places & hindering the flow.

There are a lot of people looking for a purpose. I also dream but I’m not sure if I dream for a purpose or of a purpose. I dream because dream happens. But as I dive deep into my dreams with all the paraphernalia of intellect & reason & the essential stuff called myself within – I lose all the charm because of the detail. But what to say – this is not a sad or a disappointing state of affairs. It feels like a peaceful maturity within.

Life takes turns to expose the vulnerability time & again & you want to be available. Just That! You don’t want to cringe or rush through or demand. You’re just available for life – the next moment, the next hour, the next day & so on. Time really does not have much of a significance, when distinction between a chaotic & a perfectly organized life cannot be done.

But are you becoming dead inside? No and yes. Is it not life if it’s lived without an anticipation. Even when it’s not business keeping you busy and you have ample time to anticipate. Perhaps one is dead. But no one is not, or how would the writing happen, how would any action happen.

Desires, purpose & all fancy stuff of mind. Getting into the core of these, I try to figure out my intent or the seed in my conscience, which sometimes I locate & at others relegate to those parts of me which I’m not familiar with.

Moving on this upstream of a complex of desire & joy & fear & search of meaning & purpose – I just seem to be going somewhere, where the heart feels a deja vu & the head is either lured towards the unknown or fears it. But an upstream it still is, as the journey feels onward!

 

Reflection

And verily, to think of you is to think of myself

How I mess up and bide, and unhinge and fly

Commotion and consequence over a tedious ride

What stands out in an arduous trail, is not the tribulation or the toil

but the gnawing at the heart of the purposeless broil

Wish there were meanings of language, emotion et al.

As so much that resides is nothing but a notion – unguided and untied

Truth

I had spoken, or did I not? I don’t remember.

I see a smile, a pair of eyes, someone familiar, but who? – I don’t remember.

Vestiges of a celebration, a persistence, a wish to celebrate – celebrate a specious existence? I’m not sure..

I remember some anguish, some heaviness of heart – deep meaningful mourning – a sense of loss and longing – for whom and for what? – I don’t know.

I had seen, seen so much, quietly – I recognize nothing.

I had heard, something loud, something voiceless – it was beyond silence, I think.

I had thought and thought some more, I know nothing.

I had felt so much, tried so hard –  only to give up.

I had been living with people, like they did – or did I imagine?

Is this life or do I make it this? – I’m living a truth